in memory HR Walker
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(Also See Love Stories Section)


  1. March 31, 2017: My Dream,You Interpret

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  2. May 11, 2016: DNA and the Birds and the Bees

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  3. August 17, 2015: Alice's Mother and Father's Memoirs

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  4. July 24, 2015: Book Review: The Living Mind by Alan Scott

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  5. June 14, 2015: My Thoughts On Heaven

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  6. Sept. 2012: My War on Geese

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  7. Dec 2011: Conservatives Should Give Santorum A Second Look

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  8. October 2011: The Hottest Escorts on the MightyMo

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  9. May 2009: Stand Up For Freedom

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  10. September 2008: America's Energy Independence Future

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  11. April 2007: Fidel Climbs on Bandwagon
    (for Global Warming)

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  12. March 2007:: Global Cooling Is Back

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  13. February 2007: Global Warming
    (Anthropogenic Climate Change)

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  14. January 2007: Comman Sense About Doom's Day Clock

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  15. January 16, 2007: Surviving the Ice Storm

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MY WAR ON GEESE

posted September 2012

Everyone here at the Lake of the Ozarks is well aware of the serious problem the geese have caused at the public beach. But that’s way over on the Grand Glaize and not a direct concern of ours since we live near the two mile mark not far from Bagnell Dam.

That’s not to say, however, that we don’t also have geese here in our cove. Up to now, I figured, “live and let live.” What’s a little (sometimes a lot) goose droppings on the sidewalk and on the deck and in the yard. Here of late, however, the geese seem to have developed a preference for my yard over that of my neighbors. Maybe the four or five life-sized concrete birds I have on the sea-wall have something to do with it. My wife and the kind lady next door have commenced a campaign to chase the geese away whenever the ladies are outside and see the geese congregating in our yard. The problem is, however, the ladies barely scare the geese at all. Sometimes they just flat out refuse to leave and the ladies can only persuade them to do so by attaching the geese with a broom.

geese

The other day I heard one big old gander telling his younger companion that he’d better be careful because he had seen a witch in the neighborhood.

I’ve heard that dogs are a good way to keep geese off your property. I have a dog and he loves to chase and bark at animals, particularly ground hogs and possums and even, on occasion, raccoons (the little dummy). But he is either afraid of the geese or they are of no concern to him because he just ignores their presence. Thanks Casper, what good are you anyway?

I’ve pretty much ignored them too until today. I was walking down the sidewalk toward the dock to turn on the pump to water the yard and one huge goose was right in the middle of the sidewalk in my path. She waited until I was practically ready to step on her before she reluctantly jumped off into the water, all the time giving me a really obnoxious swearing (I’m sure that’s what it was in geesenese). Meanwhile, about half a dozen equally big geese were grazing in my yard just to my right and they too were giving me a loud scolding. That did it. I showed them how loud I could yell too and ran toward them shouting “Shoo, shoo, get out of here geese.”

my dog Casper
My neighbor across the way yelled over, “Give them heck Jerry!” I was giving them heck and they were giving it right back. “Get out of here geese, go over there, go over and pester Chip. Get! Get!” and they finally rather nonchalantly wandered back to the seawall and into the water.

Now I was mad. This was war. There are great problems within this nation and in the world that bother me a lot, but those are out of my control. Can’t do anything about those problems. But this was war in my territory. I decided to prepare for the battle. Into the house I went for a couple of those indispensable Walmart bags and then out to where I knew was a good supply of rocks. Fortunately, rocks are not too hard to find here in this part of the Ozarks. I loaded each sack with a carefully selected array of missiles and stashed the ammunition just outside the door leading down to the lake. Not to my surprise, when I looked out the window a few minutes later the geese were back. This time I was ready. Down the stairs I went and out the door. “Come on Casper, let’s get those geese” and he obediently (and that’s rare) followed me out the door. As I headed down the sidewalk toward the geese, picking up a hand-full of rocks from my stash as I went, Casper flopped himself down on the patio to watch. I gave the geese every opportunity to escape. I stomped around them in a semi-circle but said nothing as they just pretended I wasn’t there. Then I let them have it. My first throw hit home right in the rump of the biggest gander and he took off into the water with a loud “Ouch!” Then it was rapid-fire at the remaining geese with an unknown number of hits as there was such commotion it was hard to tell who got hit and who didn’t. But as the flock rapidly fled through the water out of range my missiles kept coming at them until my hand-full supply was spent.

rocks for the geese

Then I pulled out my new secret weapon, the LOWA-lung-supplied-air-horn which I blew four or five times. My plan is this: The next time the geese invade my territory I will blow the LOWA-lung-supplied-air-horn once and if they don’t skedaddle immediately, I’ll let my hand-full of missiles fly. Then I’ll give them another blast or two from my LOWA-lung-supplied-air-horn. I think they will soon learn to scatter when they hear the LOWA-lung-supplied-air=horn and, hopefully, they will soon learn to stay away from my territory completely.

geese under attack

So far, it has been 24 hours since my first missle-attack on the geese and they have not yet re-appeared. Could I have won the war already?

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Copyright © June 14, 2000 Jerry Lee Walker Sr.